Your Question Answered: A little something on dating...

We got our first question! My mom and I are both so excited and we want to thank this person for getting the ball rolling for us. :)

The question was asked on our formspring account which you can access to ask us a question. The link is located off to the right.


Question:
"If someone is completely inexperienced in dating, is it unconscionable to date with no intention of further romantic pursuit?"


Lauren says...

First, I think the only way to gain experience in dating is to actually date. You don't know what you like or don't like unless you date someone with those qualities. What you find attractive in a friend, you may not be as equally attracted to romantically (although sometimes this is untrue, that's a different discussion). So, in answer, I don't think that it's wrong to go on a date with no intention of further romantic pursuits. Dating is supposed to be fun, but I don't think it necessarily has to be with the end goal of finding "the one" every single time you take someone out. However, this being said, I think that taking someone on a date is still a special thing. It means you find this person to be attractive in ways that step over the boundary of "just friends". I also firmly believe that if you have no intention of further romantic pursuits you should be open with whoever you are taking on a date that this is the case. Whatever your intentions are, you should say them. BOTH people should be honest and open about what they want. I know that there are few things us women hate more than a wishy washy man. For example, you cannot be just friends, a fuck buddy, dating and in a relationship all at the same time. Pick ONE. And I'm sure men don't like dealing with indecisive women.

So back to the dating thing. You can go on dates without wanting to pursue anything, you just have to be clear that that is what you are doing. This doesn't mean going into a whole speech about it or making some huge ordeal out of it (unless you like the drama) all it means is at some point you tell whoever you took on a date the truth. Women will either be fine with it, or not, (men will probably always be fine with it) but it's better to be open in the beginning then being confronted later when a little ways down the road they wonder why you didn't call them back/take them on another date/ask them to be in a relationship/etc.

I don't know if your question was based on your inexperience in the dating world or whether you just want to date but not have an exclusive relationship with someone, but hopefully that answers your question. I also think that even though you may want to date but don't have intentions of further romantic pursuits, you may just be surprised one day with a girl/guy you go on a date with and might just realize that instead of a one time thing, this person is someone you want to spend more time with. Love and stuff is crazy like that. :)

Oh and PS, I'm a FIRM believe that first dates are supposed to be the most awkward things in the world and that no judgements should be made until the second date.


Shelly says...


First of all, I totally agree that unless the first date candidate is creepy, reserve judgement for the future of the relationship until you get to know the person a little better!


As far as dating without intentions of further romance, I also agree with Lauren that dating is an opportunity for fun and exploration, not a commitment in any sort of way! But let's look at this question from a different angle.


This question could also be interpreted this way. "Is it unconscionable, as an experienced dater, to date someone who is inexperienced and let them think that there is a romantic future, when you as the experienced dater have no such intentions?" If that is the case, I would say yes, that is just poor character! While it may be easy to influence and manipulate an inexperienced dater, the end result is likely to be one of heartbreak. And while heartbreak is an inevitable part of life, both parties should ideally enter into a relationship with eyes open and intentions clear.


Of course love rarely goes according to a set plan. Many of the strongest relationships I know started out with a simple first date and friendship. None dreaming that a love affair would develop.
So be honest and open with the people you date. Have fun. And please, no matter what the situation, don't take advantage of anyone's inexperience. Disappointment is one thing, leaving a scar on a person's heart is another......


xxoo