Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Your Question Answered: Long Distance Relationships

"Do you think distance relationships are doomed to failure? If they aren't please give some tips on how one goes about keeping the passion despite distance."

Shelly says...

I am reminded of the old adage, "Never say never!!!" It's not in my personality to admit that ANY relationship would be doomed, particularly with something like distance as the obstacle. What I would say however, is that it really depends on where you are in your life that would decide if a long distance relationship is feasible. I tried to make a long distance relationship work while I was in high school, and that was disastrous. We both lacked the maturity to stay the course through the inevitable challenges that arose, and of course as teenagers needed to date others as a way to grow and learn about relationships.

I did manage a distance relationship successfully during the summers between college, as my now-husband and I were separated by thousands of miles due to my Dad's military transfer. That was before the age of cell phones and email and texting and........ok, now this is getting depressing! I'm really not THAT old!!! I am feeling nostalgic as I think back on those times because we relied on the good ole' love letter to keep us connected. I'm sure I have saved those letters, all of them beginning "Dear Pretty Green Eyes...." I won't go into more detail since Lauren is probably shouting "lalalalalalalala" at the top of her lungs right now, but suffice to say, we kept the passion alive with some pretty smokin' narrative......;) Of course with the technology available today, there are soooo many options for staying connected and close.

For a distance relationship to be successful, I am reminded of our earlier posts on the topics of Communication and Trust. Stay connected through consistent and meaningful communication, and be a trustworthy partner. Make a point to see each other in person at regular intervals and every so often re-evaluate the situation to make sure that the relationship is meeting your needs.

And....Never Say Never!!!

Lauren says...

Lalalalalalalalalaalala----- Oh jeez....but adorable nonetheless :) And way to reference Justin Bieber lol.

But I do agree with my mom on this. I think that it's possible but I think that it depends on the level of trust that there is between a couple. Today it is easier to achieve that because of all the technology but I also think there is danger in that too because our lives are no longer as private as they used to be. If you have  Facebook your life is as observable as you make it and sometimes in a long distance relationship that can put a strain on the trust factor. Back in the days before technology, you didn't have all these ways to "spy" on people and all these new ways to cheat on people and I think that technology has made it both harder and easier to have a long distance relationship. But that just comes back around to trust and how you need a lot of it.

Also, I think a long term relationship will work if you really love the person and have plans to be together eventually. If it's just a frivolous relationship then it is easier for those to fail because you both aren't committed to moving to a mutual destination eventually.

Basically, I think that if you have trust in your partner, can stand being apart for long periods of time and are good at communicating, then long distance relationships are definitely possible.

A list of ways to keep the passion alive while apart...
1. Skype -- web cams and face chat are great ways to stay connected
2. Phone calls -- texting is all well and good but nothing beats a phone call
3. Texting --- standard
4. Facebook -- use with caution, soooo much can be misinterpreted on FB
5. Emails -- Send an email love letter
6. Send gifts to remind your other how special they are
7. Be creative! And visit each other often. :)


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